WTF is up with America’s Governors?

I like most people around the world were ecstatic about Barack Obama’s election and inauguration as the 44th President of the United States. I think one thing most people are missing and taking for granted is the fact that Barack Obama wasn’t a governor before he became president. I was flipping through TV channels last night when I saw Rod Blagojevich, the man whose name many in the media still can’t pronounce, going off about how he’s being unfairly judged because of one wiretap soundbite and that he can’t get a fair trial in Illinois. I got to thinking about some other governors and realized that Americans elect the craziest and/or corruptest muthafuckas to run their states. I used to think that Mayors were the gulliest (Kwame Kilpatrick, Sharpe James, Marion Barry!) but when you look at Mayors -vs- Governors per capita, Governors win hands down. And Illnoize has The. Worst. Judgement. when it comes to picking governors… not so much with Senators.

George Ryan

10. George Homer Ryan (IL) – He’s really on this list to bolster putting Illinois on blast. No less than 3 Illinois governors have donned orange convict jumpsuits since 1968.  He was convicted of blah-blah-blah for blah-blah-blah while blah-blah-blah <yawn>



9. Don Siegelman (AL) – You kinda gotta feel bad for him, but at the same time, how many politicians survive shady election vote returns… and not one, but two criminal trials?  I feel bad for him because he says that Karl Rove set him up the bomb frame. By pulling the Rove card, he’s either telling the truth, or he’s just that effing nuts. Personally, I think the former… why else would he have a Free (like OJ, not beer) Don Siegelman movement?



8. Jesse Ventura (MN) – Not corrupt… but this guy was a crazy pro wrestler!!!??? So it was a given that he would say some crazy shit as a gubernatorial candidate and as governor. But with Al Franken being elected (I think) to the US Senate, needless to say, Minnesotans are on some other shit.


Arnold Scharzenegger

7. Arnold Schwarzenegger (CA) – Probably not corrupt, but based on his record he’s an ineffective leader and his stance on… It’s the effing Terminator running the most populous, wealthiest state in the country!?!! WTF?



jim-mcgreevey16. Jim McGreevey (NJ) –  This former governor was well on his way being your garden variety corrupt politician until he resigns on probably the most crazy grounds ever. A couple of days after a report alleged a blackmail scheme where one of McGreevey’s homies [||]? paid a hooker to seduce his brother-in-law to keep quiet about some illegal contributions, McGreevey tells the world that he’s “a gay American”. Not that there’s anything wrong with that [||].  The craziest shit is that it worked!  Like a powerful flame, the maelstrom over his coming out burned and buried all the dirt he did.


eliot-spitzer-sad5. Elliot Spitzer (NY)- Wow. Even I’m guilty on this one, I voted for him for governor. Spitzer resigned after embarrassing his family and office for being identified as Client #9 in a upscale prostitution ring. Big Deal? There’s crazy irony in this. #1. Spitzer made it his personal crusade as NY Attorney General to crush prostitution rings -Using Big Pun’s dictionary of course. Irony #2 is that he got caught in a banking/law enforcement process that flagged the movement of large amounts of cash as possible indicators of criminal activity. Why the irony? He created the effing process himself!!  It gets better. So it turns out that he spent TONS of cash, like 80 grand on hookers. And apparently his rationale was that it was safe to have unprotected sex with high priced hookers. I’m not done. His whore de preference, Ashley Dupree, made something like $1.4 milly off sales of a music single after the scandal hit the tv, internets and her Myspace page. She’s an aspiring singer and was apparently whoring to pay for studio time. She’s probably going to blow up any day now. Today, Spitz’s got pull like a leper.

rod-blagojevish4. Rod Blagojevich (IL) – Already impeached, as we speak, this crazy fruitcake with the apeshit crazy hair (look at it) is on award tour trying to use Jedi mind tricks/ reverse psychology/ the dummy pulpit to try to clear his name on any media outlet that’ll see him. See, this fool tried to sell Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder. And while that shit may have been done in the past (probably not)… Dude, you get no higher profile shine than the task of filling the incoming president’s Senate seat. The funny shit is he used the race card to make himself look good. Before he was impeached, he appointed Roland Burris, a black dude, to the seat daring Senators from (paraphrasing) “denying this black man his rightfully appointed seat to the senate”.  The funnier shit is that it worked and Burris may very well be seated. The funniest shit? Blagojevich’s batshit crazy rantings just might work too.

sarah-palin3. Sarah Palin (AK) – This crazy redneck came two embarrassingly ridiculously hilarious network interviews too close to becoming Vice President of the United States!  She’s got 5 kids. Five! As in 1,2,3,4,5. They all got crazy ass names. The youngest has Down Syndrome, and may he or may not be her kid. See, there’s some shaky details about her going into labor while she was at a convention in Texas and flew 11 hours back to Alaska to birth her baby. She says she’s pro-life (is anyone pro-death?), but maybe she wasn’t so concerned about his well-being after all? She’s got a witch doctor for a pastor. Her husband is a pro snowmobiler or someshit. Her husband belongs to a fringe secessionist political party. Her oldest daughter got knocked up, while she was governor and she preaches abstinence. The baby daddy doesn’t seem to like his baby momma much. The baby daddy’s mom has some serious drug issues. Her oldest son was a real effup and allegedly got arrested a few times. Her own husband got arrested for drunk driving. Her husband ain’t got no college degree but helped her run the state of Alaska. They were called out on some corruption shit for some blackmail shit involving her former brother-in-law or some shit. Yeah, I’m getting tired of typing about this crazy broad, let’s move on.

bill_clinton_biography_22. Bill Clinton (AR) – Yee haaa!!! This dude was POTUS #42, and a pretty damn good one. But dude had one major problem.. He couldn’t put the poon down, even whilst in the oval office. Yee haaa!!! There was a list of women the length of Chinese Santa Claus’ Christmas list trying to sue this dude for sexual harassment while he guv’ner o’ Arkansas and when he was running for the presidency. And as we all know it didn’t stop there. Dude let off the cumshot eventually felt around the world when he dipped cigars and appendages into Monica Lewinsky’s orifices. I say the world felt it, because Al Gore as presidential nominee and his vice-prez wouldn’t stand near Clinton, even when the race was tightening. And since Clinton was wildly popular despite screwing a fat girl in the White House (Soooo Weeee!) and being impeached for lying about it, Gore would have probably won with Clinton’s support and we prolly would have avoided having the next and last dude on our list as president.

george_w_bush1. George W. Bush (TX) – WTF? This dude grew up in a world a privilege, in one of the most politically connected families in the world and attended the best schools in the country. Yet, he came off like he was Rerun from “What’s Happening” and chased the short bus to school every day. Cokehead. Alcoholic. Draft Dodger. Business Destroyer.  Oversaw mad death-row executions while gov of Texas. 9/11. Katrina. 2 Wars (at least). Gitmo. Abu Ghraib. The Patriot Act, the erosion of civil liberties and the shredding of the US Constitution. 2 recessions. High unemployment. Record economic distress. A National Debt number that calculators can’t eff with. It don’t stop. I’ll tell you what though. Add all of that up, along with the fact that GW Bush seemingly has no clue or care in the world about what he did wrong, and we probably wouldn’t have Barack Obama as #44.

If I was Barack Obama, I’d release this statement:

“Look, I have a tremendous amount of respect for the work the governors of our States and Commonwealths do in our country from coast to coast… But look, it’s obvious that our education system is in shambles cuz you guys need to exercize a lot better judgment when electing some of these clowns… Seriously. Oh yeah… and thanks G-Dub. “

Honorable Mention: David Patterson (NY)


~ by Chief Racka on January 27, 2009.

4 Responses to “WTF is up with America’s Governors?”

  1. […] used to think that Jesse Ventura was crazy.  OK, I still do. But I just realized that a big part of his crazy is the way he speaks. […]

  2. […] say it isn’t so!! 로드 중… 이미지 로드에 실패했습니다.사이트 | 원본 크기로 보기…vernors/ Arnold Scharzenegger. […]

  3. you very cool. MR. I as my father as

  4. Snap. Just what I’ve been saying. I live in NY. This blog was written some time ago I’m guessing because in the meantime we’ve had the guy that was hiking to Argentina ostensibly to see his mistress. From North Carolina I think. Then Haley Barbour from Mississippi and his racist comments. And the continuing antics of the very crazy Ms. Palin whose brain must have frozen somewhere along the way. The last Connecticut governor who went to jail.

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