SEC Investigating Manny Ramirez for Insider Trading


The Securities and Exchange Commission is now investigating Los Angeles Dodgers slugger Manny Ramirez for insider trading. This, after Ramirez’s publicist told reporters today that his suspension costing an estimated $7.7 million will be offset by a stock market windfall.

The Dodgers left fielder was suspended for 50 days after testing positive for HCG, or human chorionic gonadotropin, a drug commonly prescribed to women having difficulty getting pregnant. Publicist Gina Fernandez told reporters that Ramirez’s stock portfolio included millions of shares of 3 pharmaceutical companies that manufacture HCG and their stock prices more than doubled in early morning trading. When interviewed, Mr Ramirez said  “At first, I was really mad because my doctor gave me some drugs to take which I didn’t know was illegal. However, my doctor is also my stock broker and my cat groomer and he’s a freaking genius. I’m not upset. I made almost 9 million dollars overnight. I’m going to Puerto Plata to relax, maybe play some pickup beisbol. But I’m truly sorry to the fans.”

Market analysts say the stock surge was partially brought on by better than expected unemployment figures, but mostly spurred by publicity on the Ramirez suspension. Officials from the SEC could not be reached for comment.

~ by Mr N-Bomb on May 8, 2009.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: